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ve been reading ur blog, for so long. mean as long as u start writing in hear. and I was kinda curious about ur relationship whit ur husband, the way u found each other, your love, your fight, every thing.

I know that in spite of every thing, u love him. so much.

 I'm about to say something which it is probably the most selfish thing I've ever said in my life,

but my heart is broken. it smashes . its been before, but this time I wasn't really expect it, and in the last 72 hours of my life, I was thinking about u, and I was wondering that how come that some one like u is so lucky to marry the guy she loves the most, and some one like me, is always a looser. and when I say always, I mean always

and I  am totally mad about this. and I am angry. and I'm wearing my denial face and I'm kinda pretend that I didn't spend months loving some one who probably doesn't wanna be loved.

I mean u, u are so happy. u have every thing. u may not see that, but I tell you. u r the happiest person in the world no matter how unbearable ur husband  sometimes is, no matter that he works too much or he sleeps so soon or every thing that u complain about it over and over again.

u have every thing. u have HIM. always and for ever.

 it may not mean much to u, but it means a lot to me.

I've been so in pain, for the last few hours of my life I'v been comparing me to u, so obsessed to know what exactly do u have what exactly did u do, that I don't, that I can't. 

I've been so jealous to ur life. to ur love. cause I know it is something I would never have. and it sucks.

I'm sorry for that, for being so mean, about my poor manner , but I'm here to tell u something.

if I ever read any thing here, about you two fighting again, I swear to God that I will come and find u and punch u in the face very hard.

live ur life and enjoy it. and if that happen ever again, being on the edge of madness and rage. just remember that u r lucky. there are so many girls out there like me. that every night thinking and dreaming about their beloved. reminisce the smell of their neck. widely aware that the guy is gone and sharing his body with 

somebody else.